Something Finally Clicked In My Head

I'm going to do the hard part first and share some photos of myself.
They range from around 2008 to 2011 or so.

I'm smiling in every one of these photos and yet on the inside crying and hating myself.
It was a horrible vicious circle for me. I would spend time with friends and family; knowing that photos were going to be taken to help capture the moments. I'd smile for the camera. I'd be putting on a happy face.
I'd then spend the evening alone up in my room devouring everything I could get my hands on.
Each day repeating itself.
My clothes were not fitting. I wasn't able to hide the rolls and double chins.
I was having back issues. I was having knee issues.

Watching the number on the scale just keep climbing higher and higher.
Then something changed. I didn't even really see it coming which makes me laugh when I think about it.

I started seeing my ex husband.

Shocked? haha  You thought I was going to say I went on a diet, didn't you?! ;)

We had been divorced for MANY years. In part of my ongoing personal steps of moving forward with my life, I was contacting people from my past and letting go of the anger, angst, hurt or whatever issue it was that had me tethered to them. I contacted my ex husband. We started talking again. Some time passed and next thing I knew, we were becoming serious with each other again.

With that change to my life, came changes that I wasn't even considering that the time; that were going to alter me for the better.

He lived in the old farmhouse that had belonged to his parents. It needed lots of TLC and work to happen to it. Much more physical activity became part of my daily life. Old walls being torn down; new walls being put up in their place. Wood needing to be cut, hauled and stacked to keep the farmhouse warm during the cold weather. Gardens to be cleared out of years of neglect and brought back to life. Driveway that needed to be cleared of snow since I do happen to live in a place that gets snowfalls and having to do so with a shovel. In the warmer weather, reclaiming large portions of the yard and fields so mowing became part of my routine. I'm not talking a ride on either. Push mower and HUGE areas being reclaimed.

He loves to cook and eat.
He also loves fresh vegetables, spices and fresh herbs. Processed foods are few and far between for him. Eating out doesn't happen a lot. Fast food places are not where he likes to grab a bite of food.
I was introduced to food with whole new eyes.

"Just try it"..... was something I started hearing quite a bit.
Things that I'd somehow always rolled my eyes at and said no thanks to..... were somehow now on my fork and being eaten. WHOA....and I was LIKING IT!

Soon the combination of moving my body more and eating food differently started shifting something in my brain and with how my body looked. A few pounds were falling off here and there. Nothing drastic but noticeable to me. My clothing was fitting me differently. My body didn't ache in the ways it had. I had sore muscles from the work I was doing but it felt good. I was sleeping better then I had in years. Working around the farmhouse and being outside felt good.

The relationship for him and I was better then it had ever been. Working as a team on this home we were building. Spending time together in the kitchen, trying new recipes wasn't a chore. It was becoming quality time together that extended past the act of cooking a meal. We ate together and talked about our days and so much more. We were connecting again.

I started keeping track of my body changes.
Just writing down things I noticed into a small journal for my eyes only.
A smaller size pair of pants.
Being able to wear a belt for the first time.
Needing to buy a bra in a smaller size.
A drop in pounds here or there.
One of my double chins going away.
A roll of fat getting smaller.
Looking in the mirror and seeing my cheekbones again.

It didn't happen overnight. I've been working with this new mindset and game plan for a number of years now.It is something that I will have to work at for the rest of my life.
It's not a perfect game plan and there will be moments where it needs to be worked on.
I still have moments where I eat something off the not so good for me list.
Having finally got to a point in my mindset of not fretting about it and spiraling down into self hate and regret over it really makes such a difference.

I will never be a "skinny" person.
It's not in my makeup. I don't allow myself to become obsessed with the number I see on the scale.
By the standards of society, I will be considered a large woman. I think it's wrong, but I'm not going to fight to squeeze into a standard I don't believe should even exist.
I will carry stretch marks on my body.
My body will not be rock hard and firm and that is something I'm fine with.
It wasn't a goal or need that I was going for.


I wanted a body that didn't ache so much.
A body that I could feel comfortable in.
That I could see myself in a photo with friends and family and my first thought would be the moment of togetherness that had been captured instead of thinking horrible thoughts about myself.
That I could walk past a mirror and think you are doing pretty good.
That a smile would happen when I'd see my reflection.

This was the old me...... not happy on the inside and hiding her pain with her outside.

This is the new me.....

Happy with her life.
Happy with her body.

JUST HAPPY!

It All Takes Time

I get asked quite often how I get everything done. How do I manage to work on fixing the old farmhouse; work and harvest from our garden; have the time to sew my primitive dolls, create new paintings, run my business in general; and now have even managed to add work outside the home as well?
What is my secret to getting all that needs to happen in a day worked on and finished up?

The truth?
My big secret to getting it all done?

I just don't get it all done.
It really is that simple.
I have "to do" lists that I add onto quite often. (More so that I don't forget something)
I do my best to work thru the list but if something doesn't get crossed off, it doesn't end my world or make my day have been a disaster.

Some days it all clicks into place and I am marking fat lines across that list all the time.
Boom
Boom
Boom

Other days, I am flipping back the duvet at the end of the night thinking to myself that I didn't get anywhere near as much worked on as I had hoped.

It took quite a while for me to be alright with this. There are moments that I still struggle with it.
I do my best. When I lay my head down onto my pillow, for the most part I am content with how much happened.

Now with having said all that, I will share some tips that I do incorporate into my days. Some of them may be something that you can work into yours. Some of them might be something that you will never do.
Fathom out what works for you and your family.

• My alarm goes off every morning early. No matter if I have to work outside the home that day or not. Sleeping in is not something that happens around the farmhouse. Right now, it's going off at 6am. Weekdays and on the weekends. In a few more weeks, it will even be as early as 5am. It may be dark outside my windows when I get up but I can put those few hours to good use before the rest of the day starts rolling. Is there another hour someplace in YOUR day that you could use? Can you set an alarm for earlier? Can you maybe stay up later in the evening?
  
• We schedule a meal plan. The beginning of every month, we sit down and take a blank calendar page that I've drawn up (There are lots of them on the web to find and print off too) I take a quick survey of what we've got in the freezer that needs to be used up. We scan the pantry shelves. I stack my cook books on the kitchen table. I begin filling in meal ideas for supper. On the weekends I sometimes add a lunch idea as well. Nothing is written in stone. It's written in PENCIL on the calendar so that for whatever reason, if something has to change or switch, it can be easily erased and written down again.
  Sometimes just being able to look ahead and think oh yeah, Thursday we are planning on having a roast done in the slow cooker, can mean I can squeeze in another few hours of doing something else as I won't be in the kitchen cooking.
  
• I carry a notebook with me as I'm never sure when a thought is going to race thru my mind for a doll idea or new painting. If I only have a little time to be creative during a day, I don't want to be wasting time hoping that an idea will come to me. I can flip thru those notebooks and something always jumps out at me that I want to try working with.
  
• Speaking of primitive dolls or my paintings...... I multitask on those as well.  When I'm drawing out and sewing dolls, I tend to do a few extra ones to just be able to grab and make into something when an idea strikes me. With paintings, I can do a number of basic backgrounds at once. Have the layers of scrapbook or old torn pages done up and just waiting for paint layers to be added next
  
• Household chores....... not everything has to be done by me. That was a huge lesson to learn. We both made the chores that need to happen so we both can work thru the chores to get them done. My husband isn't a fan of cleaning the bathroom and I am not really the best at cleaning out the vacuum. We both know this and so we let the other do that job. While I'm downstairs getting my morning coffee happening, I whip into the bathroom and clean the toilet. While I'm just about to get breakfast underway, I can spray down the bathtub/shower and let it soak. Multitasking really does help get things done. I can say to my husband, by the way, I did a load of wash this morning; when you come upstairs from piling some wood would you bring the basket up for me to hang if you notice it's done?
  Little things like that help too.
  
  
  
  Will any of those tips help you find a bit more time in your day? Do you have any tips you can share with me? I'd love to learn about them and possibly add them to my mix.

The Artists and Crafters of Milford House

The single road to Milford House, Route 8, began as a trail that followed ribbons of lakes through the wilderness lands of the native Mi’kmaq. By the mid 1800s, this route connected travelers from the Annapolis Valley to the Atlantic Ocean.
 Settlers arrived on horseback to claim land grants or to work in the numerous lumber mills along the many waterways. Abraham Thomas, moved here from Queens County with his wife Mary, and young son, Adelbert, also known as Del.Their first home was a small cabin which he had built around 1860 which would become the foundation for  a successful inn-keeping business.

 This main route became a scheduled stop for the stage coach and eventually workers traveling to and from the area. Drivers would stop here to change horses and have a meal before heading on their way. With more workers arriving to work in the mills, and limited places for them to stay, the Thomas home began to offer food and lodging. Abraham died in 1875, but his wife and 12 year old son Del continued to run the farm and this growing family business.

 When Del married Annie Dukeshire,the reputation of Milford House as a prime destination for sportsmen and their families began to fully take shape. Together, they were a force to be reckoned with and soon  they put their home and community on the map. In doing so, they made a major impact on the tourism industry in the southwestern region of Nova Scotia.

 The beginning of Milford House as a popular retreat is believed to have its roots in the following story. A storm and blocked roads forced a group of travelers to seek shelter at the Thomas home for a few days. These travelers were avid American sportsmen. They convinced Del Thomas to build a log cabin on the lake behind the house so they might have a place to stay when they returned. Del responded to their request. By 1902, two log cabins were available for guests to use. However, until the 1920s, most stayed in the “Big House.”
This Victorian-style country farmhouse underwent at least four enlargements, eventually boasting eight bedrooms for the Thomas family and guests. It was often called the “Halfway House” or the Thomas Hotel before ultimately becoming known as the Milford House in the early 1900s. Most of the lakeside cabins were built from the mid 1920s until the thirties.

 These lakeside cabins became the summer residences for the families of American sportsmen who headed out to the woods and lakes for ten days or more at a time.These early sportsmen and naturalists were Milford’s best promoters. They spread the word on their return to the States, often by submitting articles to various publications. An annual migration of Americans was well established by the 1920s and represented the bulk of guests to Milford House until the 1960s and early 1970s. At this time, more Maritimers were re-discovering what was right on their doorstep. The popularity of Milford House has only grown ten-fold to the present time.

 The face of management has changed, but the friendliness, hospitality and attention to the simple comforts are still the primary focus. And although there are some modern touches, the spirit and simplicity of this wilderness retreat remains largely unchanged.

 Early this summer season a few local artists and crafters were contacted about having a shop in a building not being used at Milford House. I was lucky enough to be one of those artists contacted.

Lisa Proulx and her incredible photography skills; George Goodin and his ash baskets; and Suzanne Muir with her stain glass creations round out the mix. A little blend of everything for anyone's tastes.
We are doing our best to be open Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sundays most afternoons and into the evenings. You can find more details at The Artists and Crafters of Milford House.

Here are some photos!

Many new things are being added all the time. You just never know what you are going to find inside the Artists Cabin on your visit. We'd love to have you stop by and say hello!

Our Little Garden grows....

Reclaiming this old garden space as been time consuming and hard work but this season we are really seeing the results from our (alright 85% his) hard work. We don't spray so a few things are getting nibbled on by critters but we are fine with that. We have lost a cucumber plant so far but nothing else. Some veggies are new this year. Some are ones we grew last year and had to make sure we grew again as we loved them.

Here are some randoms of the garden.....

A Discovery in the Garden

We planted many different things in our garden this season. The things that grew well last year and we enjoyed plus a number of new things to try out. One of the new items wasn't for us to harvest and enjoy. We get to reap the benefits from it though. This season we looked around a few places and finally found catnip seeds to plant. Tigger kitty loves it. He doesn't get human food for treats. He gets catnip sessions.
He will roll around and talk to it. I love to watch his actions.

While out last evening tending to some garden chores, Tig came strolling up thru the tall grass growing on the far side of the garden. He'd been over to where Andy was chopping up some campfire wood. He loves when we are outside and comes to hang out with us. He flopped around on the rows of veggies and got told to move on. Andy had come up to the garden as I'd asked him to come see how far I'd come along with the shoveling. I'm leaning on the shovel and talking to Andy when we see Tig start to walk along the border of the garden. He's heading to the raspberry patch where he likes to snooze. As he walks past the black container between the fruit trees...... he stops.

Tigger begins to sniff the air. Andy and I are already beginning to laugh.
He moves closer to the edge of the container and inhales.
POUNCE!
He jumped right up into the container and began rolling around. He was biting and ripping the catnip plants.
It was like he was out of his mind! haha
I raced to the house to grab my camera. He was  out of the catnip by then and this is what it looked like.

Ripped, chewed on and furry! haha  Then from the raspberries, he came walking back over and proceeded to jump back into the container. He was purring sooooooo loud and talking the whole time. Making that little chirple sound in his throat that a cat can make.

He was really getting into it by this time. There were piece of catnip torn and tossed all over the place. He couldn't even keep both eyes open at the same time. I was laughing so hard. Walked closer and tried to shoo him from the container and he actually flipped over and growled at me. Hey fella, I don't mind ya getting high but there will be no attitude given to me with the joyride.

Days without Sunshine

We seem to be having one of the rainiest seasons that I can recall to memory. As someone who suffers from depression, this can only be handled for so long before I feel my world is about to collapse on top of me and I'm never going to escape my darkness.

My body aches from head to toe. I feel clammy and tired. You can't get the sleep your body needs and craves when the bedsheets feel like you could wring them out and fill a bucket. My mind races a million miles a second and at the same time somehow feels like a slug could win a race against it.

I cry at the drop of a hat. I fight with my thoughts. I snap at everyone around me.
I need sunshine. I am literally a totally different person without it.

Today.......after days of rain(weeks almost!), we finally saw the grey skies begin to clear and I saw hope. My darkness peeled away from me as if it was onion skin. I caught myself smiling. We made plans to get outside and enjoy the sunshine.

We headed over to the edge of our woods for a quick little fire to burn some dead branches that he had trimmed from a few trees. Figured we would take advantage of this little fire and cook our supper there too.

We had some company stop by earlier in the day and they brought a bottle of wine to us. I figured seeing the sun shine again was a good reason to crack it open. I'm not usually a big wine drinker but this was really wonderful and I caught myself a few times wishing we'd had another bottle to open.

We have numerous wine glasses but when outside I just love using these ones. They are made from real mason jars so you just screw a lid on the jar and it keeps all the critters from falling into your drink.
I think we might have to invest in a few of their margarita glasses next. haha

When we seem to spend any amount of time outside, Tigger Kitty likes to be with us so of course he'd followed me across the field when I walked. He walks all around and checks the place out, talking to you the whole time. He really does make me laugh.

Then he was like "ok you lush, I've had enough of you and your tipsy camera clicking" and walked away.
Such attitude from someone who sheds half his fur around my whole house daily without being scolded.

Could he look any more bored with me? Wouldn't even make eye contact with me for this photo no matter how many of those silly kitty attention noises I attempted to make between sips of my wine.

So I poured the last of the wine into my glass, took a big gulp and headed deeper into the woods to see what I could capture with my lens.

Then I saw this piece of wood that had rotted from the inside out and had to try and take a photo of it.As I was getting to the ground to take this angle, I was secretly praying a sleeping mouse would be inside. Also that once down on the ground, that I would be able to stand back up without too much hassle. haha  I'm a very cheap drunk as just those few glasses of wine were beginning to make me tipsy.

Further down the path I stopped and took a few more photos. He had been taking out all the ferns so was difficult to find one to take a picture of.

and there is something that stops me in my tracks about a birch tree. I have beyond enough photos of peeling bark but I never fail to snap at least a dozen more.

By this time, my tummy had started to growl so headed back to shift around the coals and set the grate up for some grilling. We had already inhaled the salad I'd made with the first cutting from our garden of the mesclun mix we'd grown. A few tomatoes, cucumbers and fresh grated Parmesan drizzled with chive vinegar and olive oil added to the mix. The bottom of the dirty bowl didn't seem like anything I needed to take a photo of. haha

The pork chops cooked quickly and perfectly on our little grill. I even remembered to pack some fresh pepper that he sprinkled them with and the Worcestershire sauce. They were eaten up in record time.
(and I will admit that I made sure he got the one that he dropped into the fire when flipping them)

We then headed back up to the farmhouse to relax the rest of the evening away.
These next photos were taken walking back thru our field.