Deeper Appreciation

If you look around the farmhouse, tucked into just about every possible space, 

I've created "something" that whispers to my soul.

 Piles of small books mingled with photographs housed 

in unique frames that captured my heart when I saw them. 

Collections of shells gathered on a 

summer day visit to a beach.
Old bottles filled with sunlight now as 

their original contents have long since disappeared.
Items that just make me smile when I look at them.

Sacred Altars. The Art of Altars and Offerings ... Jessica Brogan

What an amazing course this turned out to be. 

I knew that the topic had my attention and it was something

 I was already doing within my home. The course has been eye opening

 on a few different levels though and it's been a wonderful surprise.

Jessica is going to be hosting this course again in a while 

and I would highly recommend taking it.

I won't go into individual details about the spaces I created thru taking the course

but I'm going to share some photos that I took.

 The other people taking the course with me have created some amazing

pieces as well. We have felt strong and safe enough

in the group to share some touching and raw stories with each other.
This course has been such a blessing.

I'm looking at items around my home differently.

I am shifting things around and adding different pieces.

The act of creating the space as become as important to me as

the finished piece.

I'm gathering great peace.

When the chance arises to take part in this course again.... JUMP ON IT!

 

She is a Diamond

Social media platforms are all around us.

You click like a zillion times.

You tweet something quickly.

You can look at a million thumbnail size images

 with a scroll of your cell phone.

You amass a string of "friends" that you for the most part,

 don't really know and could bump into on the street and 

would never recognize. (Sad but true for me. I'm trying to

 get better with that, I swear)

If you are lucky, a few real treasures are dropped into your life.

In the midst of those treasures is

 a true diamond to behold.

Someone that makes you slow down

 in the quick responses and think.

Someone who shares truly

 from their heart space.

I've been blessed with such a diamond.

Jessica

 

The Light that shines from her is radiant.

When she writes, her words illuminate such

 an intense reaction within me.

She shares moments happening within her life and

 even though you know she is feeling raw and vulnerable in them; 

she is connected enough with herself to take 

the time to share and place her emotions into text.

 She's willing to do so because it may just help one other person

 in the world feel a little bit less alone

 fighting their own demons.

She's got my brain spinning in so many ways.

Surprises arrived in my mailbox just because she wanted

to let me know she was thinking of me.
Her self portraits make me feel strong and brave enough

to capture my own image and thought process that comes with them.
When I got flack for taking photos of myself, she had my back.

She supported me.

Her willingness to be raw with her writing.

Not always rainbows and

 little fuzzy bunnies munching clover.

Unfiltered Truth

 Spoke loudly enough to stop me

 in my tracks and truly listen.

I have darkness and demons on the edge often.

There are days my soul weeps in the background.

I'm no longer scared to share those aspects of myself.

They are all parts of me.

That same darkness also makes

 the Light within me 

shine bright when

folks look in the right space.

Just recently, Jessica was talking about her first e-course.

{You all know how much I adore a good course}

This one jumped at me for a number of different reasons.

Jessica was behind it, #1 of course.

Courses that speak to my soul don't always have to be an art course.

It was going to be about alters.

Something I already incorporate within my home.

Where did I have to go to sign up?!

The course began just a few days ago and

 it's blown me out of the water.

Seriously!

WOW

It's like Jessica is sitting right across from you and talking.

She has taken some of the most amazing photos.

She has had friends of hers allow her to

 share some of their amazing photos.

The content already has me doing research on stones, 

scents and different meanings

I wish to blend into my creations.

The term "feather-envy" has popped up a few times and even ended

with me racing around my back field 

chasing a feather in the afternoon breeze.
 

I'm looking at sticks, dried flowers, driftwood, 

sea shells and so much more all with new eyes.

She has made it fun, light hearted, full of incredible information mixed with just

enough depth and inner thought, to push ourselves.

She is going to be offering this course 

again in the Fall she says.

I place my hand on my heart and promise you...

I will be shouting LOUDLY

for all of you that this concept strikes a cord with

to scoot over and sign up.

You will not regret a single moment

of being in her Light

and all that this incredible

woman has to share and offer.

Thank you Jessica.

Thank you so much for being.... YOU!

xo

{all photos are Jessica's photos and imagery.}

Change can be Incredible

So truthfully it took me about 30 years but 

that quote still hits home for me.

It really is how I try to live my life.

I am not one to follow a trend because others seem to.

I'm known for being outspoken on many topics and

 have even fostered some rough patches in friendships 

due to my thoughts and opinions being shared. 

I will ask for guidance in areas of my life but 

usually tend to follow my gut instinct.

Reflection

Ponder

Contemplate

Quiet thoughts

Whispers

 Many mornings I step outside and just listen.

The multiple blend of birds chirping their hellos.

The wind drifting gently thru new leaves.

What changes do I need to see happen 

in my life at the moment?

Am I happy with how things are?

Where am I daydreaming myself to be

 in a month's time?
In a year?

I've talked about my battle with depression before in posts.

One of my surefire ways of shaking the darkness

 back from the edge is to

 change something in my life.

Sometimes all it takes is to paint my toenails 

a different colour then usual.

This time around in my fight, it took a little

 bit more then nail polish.

During my journey of weight loss, I had forgot about looking

after my hair. I just let it grow out and it got longer and longer.

The length I thought I was loving.

Ponytails.

French braids

Pigtails

fun

and then it changed.

Split ends

Dry and brittle

Same old hair style.

Clumps were falling out when I'd brush

or the shower would be full after washing it.

Getting a trim was just no longer going to be enough.
Frustration was always floating on the surface of my being.

Something was going to need to change.

BOOM!
I followed my instinct

and with one call to my hair dresser,

a good solid 9 inches was cut off my hair.

The change was within seconds of 

the last snip of her scissors.

I felt lighter. (obviously)

I soon came to see that the lightness 

wasn't just in my hair. 

I'd not noticed my battle with darkness

had woven itself into my hair.

I was hiding behind length.

 I was feeling stagnant. 

With the shorter cut, my curls came back

and so did the bounce in my step.

I had missed that.

The feedback from folks was instant.

Younger

Friendlier

Happy

My eyes sparkled

Some folks didn't like the cut and 

that was fine with me too.

I didn't do the change for anyone

other then me.

 

 

 

Newest Addition at the Farmhouse

As we have been reclaiming the yards and gardens around the Farmhouse, we've talked about the different landscaping we hoped to create. Different shrubs, bushes, flower beds and trees have been discussed to be scattered around. Fruit trees have always been tops on our list. Last season we planted a 5-in1 style apple tree and also a 5-1 style pear tree. They seemed to do pretty well and are covered with buds this year. We have our fingers crossed they fruit.

This year...... it seems cherry trees have been decided on for the yard.

Hole were dug and worked to be ready for trees when we found them.
We wrote down the names of the cherry varieties  that we could gain access to and spent the evening researching them on the computer.

He took the seats out of the back of the car and then reclined the front...... off he went.
Next thing I know, I can hear the car back in the driveway and he's placed a cherry tree into the wheelbarrow to get it across the yard.

This went quite well so in the next day or so, we'll add the other one.
The two kinds we went for are Sandra Rose Cherry and a Vandalay Cherry.
I am so excited to see how they do.

Authentic Self

Just a little while ago, I changed my profile photo on Facebook 

as I'm prone to do when the mood strikes.

Something odd happened this time. Someone sent me

 a private message to let me know they thought it strange

 that I take so many photos of myself and post them.

really?

I know that many folks use photos of their children,

 a funny quote or image they found as their profile.

 That has never really been my style. I want it to be a photo

 of "me" so that if friends are searching for me on FB, 

they'll know it's me when they find the profile. 

I'm not talking about the zillion photos folks take

 in every bathroom they seem to find themselves in.

 I use the mirror in my kitchen or I've even managed

 to have some fun outside taking photos.

I don't own a cell phone so having to use my

 big camera sometimes is awkward. 

My husband isn't the type to take photos

 so I hardly ever ask him. My camera is with me

 most of the time and I just started playing with it.

 It's digital so it wasn't like I was going 

to be wasting film.

I just started clicking.

Hardly ever look to see how the photo has been captured 

until I'm sitting back at my computer. 

No filters or tweaking. 

Just what got snapped when

 I pushed the button.

In an online course I'm taking, the teacher made this statement

 that went along with an assignment 

of having to take self portrait.

"I don’t feel that my (or anyone’s) love for self portraits

 comes from arrogance or vanity,

 but rather a sense of self discovery 

and wanting to stimulate

 an internal conversation within myself. 

 Sharing self portraits with the outside world is

 like sharing art, there’s that chance that 

it will resonate with another and

 create a common bond. "
Misty Mawn.

After I read that quote, I began to look closer 

at the photos I was taking.

What was I trying to capture?

An emotion?

A color?

A moment I didn't want to fade.

When I look at these photos,

 I see my authentic self.

No photoshop.

No filters

This is me.

I see ancestors in my face.

My great grandmothers eyes.

My aunts nose.

My jawline is from my father's side of the family.

Laugh lines

Wrinkles

Grey hair

Scars

Everything Life has opted

to bless me with as 

reminders of how I have lived my life.

Quiet eyes

Shadowed with darkness

Blue grey eyes

tinged with a spark of madness

A sharp tongue

hidden behind the smallest smile

ready to lash out

for either a quick needed laugh

or to put someone in their place.

A mind reflecting on the past.

Daydreaming of the future

and all that may open before me.

A heart that has loved

been broken

healed

shattered

and healed again.

A soul

Whispering messages

to always be true

don't be fake

Stay steady on your path.

Be weird

Be Random

Be who you have always meant to be.

When I take my photo,

I see where I have been

and where I'm going

all mixed together at once.

What makes you different,

makes you beautiful.

Newest WIP Painting

Just thought I'd snap a few photos of the latest painting I've been working on.
Adding texture has become such fun for me.
Nothing beats your hands covered with paint, paper and glue ;)

The spark has been rekindled

I have been neglectful of my little online space here and I'm not missing how ironic the situation is that the blog post that brought me back is about writing. There has been a long list of things that at any true moment I could have sat down and written about. I really did wish to share many of them with you.
I've become well versed in stacking as many obstacles in my path to keep me from doing so.
Why?
The reality is I allowed myself to create those obstacles based upon loss of drive to put the time in that it takes. I got lazy. I began second guessing myself. Who reads a blog any more? Aren't most folks caught up in the quick glance news feed of Facebook or the instant imagery from Instagram?

Then I happen to see this little video.
The Universe was sending me a very strong message ....... I listened.

Click this link and watch the video...... I'll wait right here.  ;)

  The Conscious Booksmith: A Mindful Approach to Creating Your Book // with Christine Mason Miller from Animyst on Vimeo.

My soul GASPED for air.
Those voices that had been whispering for me to stop writing were slammed into a box and the key was tossed away for the lock.
It wasn't possible for me to click on the sign up link quicker.

I didn't give myself a moment to second guess or question my actions.
I jumped.
This spoke so loudly to my soul.
I'll admit right here that I shed a few tears.

The incredible imagery used in the video and her heartfelt words..... it was like it was created for me to finally WAKE UP to the reality of the unwritten library within me that needs to come to light.
Years worth of stacked journals; worn pages filled with my thoughts and rambles.
Story lines.
Characters and their details.
Quotes.
Page layouts for photography books.
Family history just waiting to be expanded for future generations to discover.

The whispers of my soul are the voices of characters in my books that I will bring to life.

Do you have a book within you?

Watch the video again.
Then sign up for what I can only imagine is going to be one hell of an incredible journey in bringing our dreams to light!

Turning a Corner and Climbing Out of that Rut

Sometimes you don't even notice you have fallen into the rut

 until you are just walking along and continuously bumping into it.

 It tends to happen to me every now and then and 

I've learned little tricks to ease myself out of them.

Creative people tend to surround themselves

 with other creative people.

They understand things a little better. 

Less confused looks and high arching eyebrows.

No nagging questions of:

Why would you carry little scraps of paper in your purse

 with a pencil sketch and a word hen-scratched over it in ink?

 What do you mean you lay on your pillow at night and over

 30 painting ideas flash thru your thoughts 

while drifting off to sleep?

 They can look at the multiple cut out doll pattern pieces

 and scraps of fabric thumb tacked to the wall

 and not even blink in confusion. 

Luckily for me, social media forums like Facebook

 have made it even easier to surround myself with other artists. 

You start chatting, talking and sharing photos of your work.
You discuss your art background.

 What medium you like to work in.

 You begin to open up further with each other.

You share what art courses you have taken and

 that you fell madly in love with. 

The courses that left you shaking your head

 in confusion get talked about as well.

By far my best loved aspect of having artistic friends is

 when they share OTHER artistic friends with me.

Have you seen the work of so and so? 

I've been listening to you and think you would really 

enjoy the work of this person I know.

Let me show you this painting that I just bought. 

You are going to be amazed.

Two such artists have been the ones 

pulling me out of my creative rut

 and I can't thank them enough.

They don't even know they have

been working magic within my soul.

I am feeling energized and excited 

like a bolt of lightning has struck me.

A good friend of mine contacted me and

 said you have to see this painting.

I was blown away.

It was a life changing moment for me.

The artist is Misty Mawn.

I had never heard of her work until that painting was shared 

with me and a link to her blog.

Within days, I devoured everything possible I could find on her.

 I read her blog from start to now.

I looked at her Etsy shop.

I was over the moon with happiness when I learned she offered online courses.

Fighting the demons in my head saying we didn't have 

extra money to spend on frivolous self indulging whims,

 I signed up for one of her courses. 

Within days of the first few lessons,

 I signed up for another she offered. 

It's like she has awakened something that

 I didn't even know existed within me.

A side of my creative soul that is so different from

 how I have been creating and yet still very much me.

She also has a book so I ordered that and

 was blessed with 5 prints of her work.

 I can hardly wait to frame and 

hang them in my art studio.

 The little message 

she signed to me inside

 was icing to my cake! ;)

      

 Then I was in the midst of a totally different art course and 

one of the teachers struck such a cord within me.

 Her work makes my jaw drop to the floor.

The artist is Danielle Donaldson.

Once again I found myself consuming every bit of 

information I was able to find on her.

Her website was like no other eye candy I'd discovered.

She too had an Etsy Shop

I found myself sitting at my art table 

surrounded with stacks of watercolor papers

 and tubes of paint. 

Brushes dipped in every 

color of the rainbow.

Playing.

Doodling.

Sketching.

These two amazing artists have opened my

creative soul to new thought processes.

Art mediums that I haven't touched in years

are being dusted off.

I am painting.

I am taking photos.

Poetry is being written.

I have not been this energized about my creative work

in a very long time and I wanted to

say thank you.

THANK YOU

so very much

 for being artists

who share their

 heart and soul

with others.

Finding New Ways to Love my Body Again

 Recently I wrote about my weight loss.
I heard from many people/ friends/family and I thank you.

The continued support while I'm making this life changing

 journey is always appreciated.

It can get a bit crazy at times.

Many times I hear

 "...oh wow, you must just LOVE how you look now..." 

and it tends to stop me in my tracks. 

The answer has been rolling around

 my head and so I thought I'd do this post for 

all to read.
I can't even begin to tell you how shocked I was 

when I went downstairs this evening

 with my camera and when my husband asked 

what I was going to take a photo of....

I said .....my belly!

WHAT?!

What was I thinking?

Why would I record that image forever 

in a photograph and then

 POST that on the web?

I bought myself some clothes today 

then posted them on Facebook.

 That inevitable comment occurred. 

Which brings me to these next photos.

 

There.

In all it's new formed glory ;)

Stretch marks

Saggy skin.

and yet also

curves.

So to answer if I "just love how I look now"...

the truth?!

Not really.

But I'm learning to.

Don't get me wrong.

There are aspects that

 I most certainly do LOVE.

I love :

that I breath better;

that my hard work paid off;

that I am stubborn enough to have not given up;

 in moments of struggling I didn't toss in the towel;

when I see a "S" or a "M" on a tag;

when I climb stairs, my knees no longer scream obscenities at me.

I love opening my email and reading messages

 that I've inspired someone.

That reading my posts and seeing my photos

made something click for them and

they are ready to start making changes in their own life.

I love being healthier.

I love being happier.

I love looking back and seeing just

 how far I've managed to bring myself.

Finding new ways to

 love my body again

 is my new goal.

I see my saggy belly.

I see the skin on my arms and legs.

It took me just over two years to lose

the weight. It may take me that long to love

my body again.

I'm willing to take the time.

I'm willing to put in the effort.

I am going to start toning.
Working on building muscle that
winks at me from just below that saggy skin.

This journey is far from over for me.
I will struggle.

I will falter.

I will never give up.

I WILL LOVE MY BODY AGAIN.

 

Newspaper Covered Wall and it's connection to my heart

We live in an old farmhouse that belonged to my husbands parents.

It's in the midst of renovations but some areas are

 getting closer to being finished.

 He and I both are drawn towards unique and eclectic items. 

We are not the type to be pigeon-holed
 into one style for our home.

This is upstairs and used to be two bedrooms. He took out the wall between the rooms and
 added an extra window for more light.
 This has been transformed into what
we use as a living room
while downstairs gets renovated.

 See that pile of pink and yellow insulation
 in the next photo?

That is where he built a small dividing wall.

The wall looked like this....and yes....we've been painting color 

on a few of the finished walls too

This needed "something" but we couldn't
pinpoint what we wanted.

It's kind of an odd space to do.
Top of the stairs.

He looked at me one evening and said
I know what we are going to do
 on the wall.

Newspaper.

ummmm

say what?

{Looks to see how much wine

 is missing from the bottle.}

;)

Laughing,he explained watching me apply scrapbook paper
 to a canvas I was getting ready to paint
and the newspaper idea had come to him.

He explained his concept a bit more and I said alright,
 how about I take your idea
one step further?

I went to Facebook and asked friends from all around the world,

if they would send us a newspaper.
We'd end up with different

languages and we'd be able to look at the wall
and instantly think of each of our friends
 who sent us something.

He loved going to the mailbox
and bringing in the packages.

I am VERY blessed that so many of my friends
said they'd send us papers.

He liked hearing who the friend was
 and where I knew them from.

We had a fantastic stack of newspaper happening
and then the other day,

he looked at me and said we are going to start the wall.

He prepped it and we
spread papers on the floor.

 Chose sections of the paper that showcased
where the paper had come from.

Colors and headlines that caught his fancy.

 He applied the paper with this thick goop stuff.

 Wallpaper paste.
Seems to have worked with no issue.

 heehee

and this is the finished wall

that we are madly loving!

We are letting it sit and fully dry for a few days.
The odd wrinkle that appeared just adds to the

character of the piece.
He could have smoothed it out but 

wasn't worried about it.

He is going to apply a few coats of Varathane

and then we'll begin prepping the other wall
 in this same space.

It's a little bit larger so we'll be 
needing to get more newspapers ;)