Just a little while ago, I changed my profile photo on Facebook
as I'm prone to do when the mood strikes.
Something odd happened this time. Someone sent me
a private message to let me know they thought it strange
that I take so many photos of myself and post them.
I know that many folks use photos of their children,
a funny quote or image they found as their profile.
That has never really been my style. I want it to be a photo
of "me" so that if friends are searching for me on FB,
they'll know it's me when they find the profile.
I'm not talking about the zillion photos folks take
in every bathroom they seem to find themselves in.
I use the mirror in my kitchen or I've even managed
to have some fun outside taking photos.
I don't own a cell phone so having to use my
big camera sometimes is awkward.
My husband isn't the type to take photos
so I hardly ever ask him. My camera is with me
most of the time and I just started playing with it.
It's digital so it wasn't like I was going
to be wasting film.
I just started clicking.
Hardly ever look to see how the photo has been captured
until I'm sitting back at my computer.
No filters or tweaking.
Just what got snapped when
I pushed the button.
In an online course I'm taking, the teacher made this statement
that went along with an assignment
of having to take self portrait.
"I don’t feel that my (or anyone’s) love for self portraits
comes from arrogance or vanity,
but rather a sense of self discovery
and wanting to stimulate
an internal conversation within myself.
Sharing self portraits with the outside world is
like sharing art, there’s that chance that
it will resonate with another and
create a common bond. "
After I read that quote, I began to look closer
at the photos I was taking.
What was I trying to capture?
A moment I didn't want to fade.
When I look at these photos,
I see my authentic self.
This is me.
I see ancestors in my face.
My great grandmothers eyes.
My aunts nose.
My jawline is from my father's side of the family.
Everything Life has opted
to bless me with as
reminders of how I have lived my life.
Shadowed with darkness
Blue grey eyes
tinged with a spark of madness
A sharp tongue
hidden behind the smallest smile
ready to lash out
for either a quick needed laugh
or to put someone in their place.
A mind reflecting on the past.
Daydreaming of the future
and all that may open before me.
A heart that has loved
and healed again.
to always be true
don't be fake
Stay steady on your path.
Be who you have always meant to be.
When I take my photo,
I see where I have been
and where I'm going
all mixed together at once.
What makes you different,
makes you beautiful.