Shabby Miss Jenn

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Authentic Self

Just a little while ago, I changed my profile photo on Facebook 
as I'm prone to do when the mood strikes.
Something odd happened this time. Someone sent me
 a private message to let me know they thought it strange
 that I take so many photos of myself and post them.

really?

I know that many folks use photos of their children,
 a funny quote or image they found as their profile.
 That has never really been my style. I want it to be a photo
 of "me" so that if friends are searching for me on FB, 
they'll know it's me when they find the profile. 
I'm not talking about the zillion photos folks take
 in every bathroom they seem to find themselves in.
 I use the mirror in my kitchen or I've even managed
 to have some fun outside taking photos.


I don't own a cell phone so having to use my
 big camera sometimes is awkward. 
My husband isn't the type to take photos
 so I hardly ever ask him. My camera is with me
 most of the time and I just started playing with it.
 It's digital so it wasn't like I was going 
to be wasting film.

I just started clicking.

Hardly ever look to see how the photo has been captured 
until I'm sitting back at my computer. 
No filters or tweaking. 
Just what got snapped when
 I pushed the button.



In an online course I'm taking, the teacher made this statement
 that went along with an assignment 
of having to take self portrait.

"I don’t feel that my (or anyone’s) love for self portraits
 comes from arrogance or vanity,
 but rather a sense of self discovery 
and wanting to stimulate
 an internal conversation within myself. 
 Sharing self portraits with the outside world is
 like sharing art, there’s that chance that 
it will resonate with another and
 create a common bond. "
Misty Mawn.

After I read that quote, I began to look closer 
at the photos I was taking.
What was I trying to capture?
An emotion?
A color?
A moment I didn't want to fade.



When I look at these photos,
 I see my authentic self.
No photoshop.
No filters

This is me.

I see ancestors in my face.
My great grandmothers eyes.
My aunts nose.
My jawline is from my father's side of the family.

Laugh lines
Wrinkles
Grey hair
Scars
Everything Life has opted
to bless me with as 
reminders of how I have lived my life.

Quiet eyes
Shadowed with darkness

Blue grey eyes
tinged with a spark of madness

A sharp tongue
hidden behind the smallest smile
ready to lash out
for either a quick needed laugh
or to put someone in their place.

A mind reflecting on the past.
Daydreaming of the future
and all that may open before me.

A heart that has loved
been broken
healed
shattered
and healed again.

A soul
Whispering messages
to always be true
don't be fake
Stay steady on your path.
Be weird
Be Random
Be who you have always meant to be.

When I take my photo,
I see where I have been
and where I'm going
all mixed together at once.

What makes you different,
makes you beautiful.





11 comments:

emmyray said...

Awesomely put! Your selfies are wonderful!

~Tonya said...

Beautifully written, Tracy! You are a very unique soul that looks within, loves nature, enjoys life and you take it all in! We are who we are, because of everything each of us has been through. Scars (battle wounds) and all!

To the people that think they need to bring up the fact that there are pictures of yourself and maybe "they" think there are too many....well, if they don't like it, they don't have to look at them (just to begin with)! You know what you have posted and you have your reasons and right to post whatever you would like.

Obviously, if they need to bring it up to you, they are passing judgement on you. Who are they to do so?

I enjoy reading your blog, your everyday antics on Facebook, and your sense of humor (and how you see things) as a breath of fresh air! Don't change a bit. I may not always have time to write on FB, but I do read and smile from it.

Cheers!
T~

Cedara_ThruTheAtticDoor said...

Thank you so much Mary and Tonya for leaving a comment. It was a post that rattled around my head for a few days but I knew I wanted to write it.
I'm not going to change. This is all part of who I am. I'm glad I can make you smile with my antics ;)

xoxox

Cindy said...

This is a beautiful post!
I love the sentiment and honesty. I have always had a hard time taking pictures of myself and posting them. I didn't like the way I looked, the wrinkles, crazy hair, etc. but when you entwined you saw your ancestors in your face, it clicked! I do see my mothers eyes, my dad's smile. I am getting older-there are suppose to be wrinkles! I deserve everyone of them!
I love your photos, you are beautiful inside and out! Do not quit posting photos of your lovely self!
Cindy

Two Mile Creek Primitives said...

Beautiful!!!

Jessica Cornwell said...

Tracy,

You are such an inspiration for me. I see what you see in yourself and wish that I could do the same for me (I'm working on it). Your talent, your insight, your words, & you, are all beautiful. Thank you for being..YOU!

Jessica

Julie said...

Photos or no photos, you are an amazing writer for sure - your words flow from the heart and are true to you.

Pamela Gracia said...

Bravo!!!!!

Sheila Rae said...

WOW!!

You are beautiful inside and out and whoever the person was that messaged you to ask why you post pics of yourself obviously was just being rude and doesn't have a filter on their own thought.

Many people post pictures (selfies) for many reasons. No matter the reason, who am I to ask or judge what others do or don't do.

Great post Tracy. YOU are an inspiration.. all your posts and pictures and stories.

Love you girl!

Kel said...

Just wow. I was internet free this weekend, so am only just seeing this now. Wow, that someone felt they had any right to make a judgement on that. Wow, to your words explaining this so beautifully. Wow, to the images themselves.

Flora Doehler said...

Well said and wonderful, 'telling' photos. Love your blog and work!
Flora